you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
