census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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