ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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