Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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