So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
