p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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