so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
