have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
