He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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