Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
