I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
