So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
