tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
