I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
MIDGETS
????
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
