You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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