Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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