thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
