my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
