I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
