I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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