On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
