How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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