Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
birth control should be required to get into college
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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