it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
