I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
