First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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