Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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