i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
