She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
