I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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