If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
