Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
