Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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