Screwed.edu
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
so much tequila, so little girl.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
