He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
