Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
