Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
