the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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