I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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