you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
