I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
