Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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