I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
