Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
