Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
