do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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