he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
