So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
