they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
