So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
