my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
