can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
