Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
