I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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