i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
